Can it be?
Do you mean me
when you talk of lying,
what I took, the prideful walk,
the haughty look, the sex
and the drink which brought
me to the brink of despair?
You weren’t there, were you?
You didn’t care, did you?
And now you ask a thing I cannot do.
I realise at last that it was you who pulled me back
...as I was going to jump
...to end it all.
But not a fall, a flight.
You took me to your heights that I might gain another point of view.
And that I do,
and looking down upon that miserable form
- Should I ever have been born?
A horror of wrong intent, bent
on breaking all the rules,
Making wrong decisions…often.
I know no judge would ever soften
his condemnation of me.
…Rotten through and through.
I need to start anew.
…I wish.
You only ask one thing of me:
That I would pray. To become free
I must say yes… to You.
I cannot.
If you only knew
How I fear that tiny sound
Sealed, final, bound…
Yes I will
Yes I do
Yes I’ll buy it
Yes I’ll try it
Always yes, a nod, a handshake
How do I know if it’s a mistake?
And now you too say that I must break from my old ways.
So, in a haze of pounding heart
and sweating palms I must depart
from me to You.
Say goodbye
and with a sigh, I willingly die.
…and fall, into your waiting arms,
expansive, earthy, safe from harm
- a prisoner freed
and as a seed
must needs be buried to break forth.
My life begins anew,
buried in You.
Thank God.
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